Writing the Novel Journal 2

I wish I could say this past month had been really productive but to be honest I can’t.  I still have a huge desire to write but am finding it difficult to go forward.  I hate to say it but I think I am dealing with the nasty B word and I don’t mean B**ch, I do mean Block).  If there is a B**ch involved in this process, it’s me.  I’m letting everything that I have no control over, control something that I do have control over.  I can write if I just allow myself to sit down and do it but my anxiety about the current ecomomy has made it difficult for me to accomplish anything.  You could say that my life is out of balance and until I can swing the scales back a little more, I feel lost in most areas of my life. 

In my day job I’m a Realtor and my listings are down, the buyers I do run into can’t get financing and even the transactions I do get involved in fall apart the day before they’re supposed to close. 

I’ve been attending Weight Watchers and for the past couple of months, I’ve been watching my weight go up instead of down.  All of this is affecting my attitude and I admit, I need an adjustment. 

I keep telling myself, I need to take advantage of this time when it is a little slower and spend it writing but every time I tell myself it’s really okay to write, I feel guilty because there must be something else I can do to create business which is the one thing I do that supports my writing habit.  Which makes perfect sense now.  My writing is like a drug.  When it’s going well, I’m happy and all is well with the world.  I’m missing my fix.  I’m in withdrawal from writing. 

Okay, now that I’ve made my breakthrough.  Here is my confession about what I have accomplished this month.  I’ve been reading lots of books on writing, including Making Scenes, Writing the Wave and 101 Habits of Highly Successful Novelists.  All have been inspirational.  I did attend a retreat that was refreshing for my spirit if nothing else.  I wasn’t able to check in until 5:00PM on Friday and that was when everyone was getting together for evening activities so really didn’t have time to write that day but the evenings were interesting.  Got to get to know some people in the writer’s group a little better, having joined it recently.  We did some plotting with a book called Writer’s Brainstorming Book, as a group.  I did have Saturday to write and got 5 pages written.  I had hoped to get a lot more accomplished but realize now that it needs to be a daily habit, not something I put off for when it’s convenient.  All in all, the retreat was good because time spent with other writers always is time well spent. 

All together this month, I’ve written 11 good pages which sounds pathetic for 30 days of work.  I have spent quite a bit of time developing characters and the story.  I have tried critiqueing part of it with a friend and have decided to hold off on that until the first draft is done.  I hate trying to defend a story that is neither complete nor set in stone yet.  The person I critiqued with made it feel like she was trying to take off with my story in another direction and I found it difficult to stop that without hard feelings.  I don’t think she meant it but that was how it was perceived. 

It has been a rough month but I am determined to get this done and this coming month will be better.  I will have more to report next month. 

Wow, I think this could be better than therapy.

Please feel free to share your experiences with developing a new story and finding time to write with me.  I would love to hear them.